The Blog of bipolarwreck

It truly is a hell beyond description.  I can make no friends, and those that I do end up showing their TRUE colors down the road.

Foolishly I have palced soem among pedestals apparently too quickly, for I was taken back by them.  Be it for reasons of a "fresh breath" or of their beliefs and values or the obstacles that they have overcame. 

My beliefs, my values, and my convictions always leave me on the outside looking in...Everyone else warm around the fire while my feet are buried in the snow only ever allowed to look in.  I know that I could go throug hthe door and join, I know all too weel that it is a decision for me to make.  Do not get me wrong I am not complaining of being in the cold looking within, for it is MY choice.  I simply can't though, join the mentality of so many around me anymore.  I sat quiet for so long trying and yearning to desperatly get past it, forget about it, or learn to simply ignore it.  I have failed in this attempt which is trutfully uncommon for I.  Is a part of me sad that I have failed, well obviously, for my views and opinions have been skewed beyond what they originally were.  I also know that my attempt albeit in vain, will also cost me dear. 

Honestly I feel that is a price that I need pay however.  For I have come to the conclussion that for too long now I have lived my life for those who I cared for.  Nothing I wouldn't give, nothing I wouldn't do and never would I put myself first.  Too many years and too many times, complacency set in.  No one longer appreciative but that of expectant of me and waht I provide.  So I have decided to stop and to live for myself for a change and I know that this very decision will cost me greatly and I have already paid some but at the end of the day, anyone who cannot appreciate what it is that I have decided and support me as I have you then can truly kiss my ass and I truly feel in that sense that I would be that much better off on my quest to be the man that I have alaways wanted to be and not the man that everyone else needed me to be. 

I have many faces and many hats, as each of you required something different from me and I made sure to accomodate all...and in doing so I truly lost "myself" and for this I will make sure to not waiver in my quest.  I will be the true ME and nothing but.  If that is not acceptable then turn around and walk away. 

I mean hell, I hear of parents talking about nothing but getting "fucked up" every weekend at the bar and then being so huing over they just laid around the house all weekend long...WTF....get your sorry ass up and try taking your kids to the park or hell even read a fucking book with them!!!  I truly feel that I live in a world that is not intended to be occupied by I.  For I truly give and truly give all and I am constantly surrounded by only those who are selfish and affixed only with themselves.  Speak as if their children are nothing but burdens, and hassles and speak with actual resentment in their voice while talking of such...WTF is wrong with all of you?  Step parents stepping in and then bitching about the children or having to perform husbandly / fatherly duties...then why the fuck get involved???  Again, purely selfsih fucking reasons...

Yet when I speak of such I hear nothing but excuses to justify the "selfishness", I see no way that you can apologize for your own selfishness especially when you have a child or children.  You have given away that right, you are no longer the priority and your job, will never be done!  Accept it, embrace, and appreciate ift for what it is, truly a gift and not a hassle burden or mistake! 

Yeah, go ahead and call me names for my stance and my beliefs, you are not the first and you will not be the last.  I have heard them all and yet I lose no sleep over them.  FOr as I see it, they are only the words of the truly ignorant...When did society forget what being a parent was all about it?  Forget what a true friend is? Forget that you do not need something in return to do a good deed?  I am called a dinosayr and a relic and a throwback like there are bad things...how???  How could those be bad things??? seriously....

Whereas I can sit here and throw names out, if so wanted, such as selfish, conceited, ignorant...hmm to me, very clear which ones I would want to be called if I am going to be called anything! 

a wise man once said, "Those whose lose their old friends for the sake of new, are rightfully served when they lose both"...

So no issues even when your children see your true colors and walk away...or your closest friends...or anyone whom you hold dear??? 

This truly is a society that sickens me any more.....